National Lampoons Greendale Vacation
by Scooterboy
Summary: Abed becomes obsessed with the notion Pierce is a Legendary comic movie actor while The Dean holds one of his off-the-wall parties. -Set sometime around season 2 and 3 (basically when the show was still good and Chevy Chase was still in it regularly). -This my first ever fan-fic of anything ever so feedback is appreciated but go easy.


Abed and troy are sat in their apartment, it's evening time and both wear pajamas sat in loungers watching TV with a big bowl of popcorn. The credits are rolling on a movie.

"I love PJs and movies night" exclaimed Tory excitedly as Abed turned off the TV.

"But we do this ever night?" Queried Abed, looking at Troy with a blank stair, eyebrows curved in as he was deep in thought.

"I know, and I love it" Answered Troy even more excitedly than his first remark with resulted in the quickest and briefest of smiles from Abed.

"So what's next?" Asked Abed in egger anticipation of what was likely to become quite the movie marathon.

"Um, well I bought this online." Troy said riffling through a stack of DVDs by his chair eventually finding the right one and holding it up. "It's called 'Caddyshack'. It's got Bill Murray in it and I know how much you liked Stripes." he said showing Abed the case. Abeds eyes went wide as he examined the cover.

"Why have I never seen this movie before". He said shocked that Troy had found a movie he had never seen or even heard of before.

"I don't know," answered Troy "But it was really hard to find. I had to order it online, I couldn't find it in the DVD store in the mall, or in the public Library, or at Greendale Library. It's like there isn't a single copy of it with in a 50 mile radius". He said, as he took the DVD from Abed and placed it in the machine.

After watching for around 20 minutes Abed squealed, a soft long high pitch squeal noise. He leaned forward and pointed at the screen ahead of them, his eyes wide open. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Troy looked at his friend confused.

"What's up?" he said as he stuffed another mouthful of popcorn into his mouth, a few cornels falling from his mouth to his PJs which he just left there.

"Who is that?" Abed said slowly, in disbelief. Troy paused the DVD and picked up the case looking at the back to read the cast list.

"Says his name is, 'Chevy Chase', huh, never heard of him, guess he must just have been a big deal in the 70s and 80s. Like cassette tapes, or brushing your teeth."

"Don't you see it?" Abed said as he reinforced his point moving even closer to the screen. "Don't you see? That's Pierce!" He exclaimed with a long draw breath as he realized what he was saying.

"Come on man, Pierce, our friend, from Greendale? He's a quirky, farty, old guy, not a movie star." Tory said, totally dismissing what Abed was suggesting.

"I need to watch everything this…'Chevy…Chase'...has ever been in…tonight" Abed said coolly with a steely determination.

The next morning Abed, Troy, Annie, Shirley and Jeff were sat around the table in the study room. Abed had been explaining his theory that their old friend Pierce Hawthorn was in fact Hollywood comedy legend Chevy Chase.

"Don't you think it's weird that we know so little of Pierce's life before he came to Greendale? And don't you think it's a little odd that none of Chevy Chase's movies are available to buy you rent within a 50 miles radius of Greendale? It's like he doesn't want anyone to watch his movies, like he's embarrassed or something" Explained Abed to the group.

"I don't know, maybe he wanted to get away from the Hollywood lifestyle. All those drugs, and sex outside of marriage and phony's sucking up to all the time, it's no wonder he wanted to get away from it all." Said Shirley sympathetically. She didn't necessarily agree with Abed but she did want to support him.

"Shirley's right you guys, being a celebrity is great, movie stars are the best people in the world, we should all want to be like them. The idea of a movie star swapping Hollywood for Greendale is just…. Insane." Argued Jeff. "Plus think about it, it's Pierce. Chevy Chase is young, fit, sharp and funny." He said holding up a picture Abed had given him of Chevy Chase from the 80s. "Pierce is Old, fat, slow and funny, but no 'Ha Ha' funny, peculiar funny." He said holding up a recnt picture of Pierce stuffing a giant sandwich into his mouth.

"Well I say, we ask him out right, we say 'Hey, Pearce or whatever the heck your name is are you are not, Chevy Chase?' it's the only way to get a straight answer, who's with me" Said Annie, as she raised her hand as though she we casting a vote, and looked around expecting the others to raise their hands too. Though she was virtually ignored by the group and she slowly and awkwardly lowered her raised hand.

Troy's eyes lit up as he thought of a plan and decided to share it with the group "OK, how about this Abed and I will follow Pearce around all day, if we find any evidence to back up Abed theory we'll confront him on it. But until then no one mention it to him, we don't want to spook him or freak him out."

The group seemed to agree with Troy's idea but their was little time to argue or disagree. Just then Pearce walked in with a big bright smile and a wave to the group.

"Hey guys, what's up?" He said cheerfully but no one responded, in fact no one even looked at him, they all looked at each other or just looked down at the table. "Hello? You guys?" Pearce said again as though he hadn't been heard the first time, waving more as though he hadn't been seen. "What am I the invisible man?" As soon as he said this Abed looked at Troy, Abed started flapping his hands excitedly and he tried to contain his excitement at what Pearce had said.

Pearce went to take his usual seat at the table and before anyone could speak again the group we disturbed by two men in janitorial uniforms. They wheeled in a large round platform, on top of which stood a life-sized Oscar statue, painted entirely in gold and holding a large sward. It only took the group a moment to realize that this was no statue at all but it was of course in fact Dean Pelton. He leaped down from the plinth with the aid of the two janitors.

"Thank you boys" he said to the two men, before addressing the group. "That's right everyone it's that time of year again, The Aca-Dean-amy Awards time, and this year Greendale is having it's very own Oscar party tonight to celebrate one of Greendale's most successful alumni. We are having a Tom Hanks themed costume party, so come dressed as your favorite character from one of Tom Hanks' movies." Explained The Dean.

"Wait, Tom Hanks went to Greendale?" Asked Troy wondering why on one would have mentioned such a high profile, A-List star, being a Greendale graduate before.

"Well, not exactly Tom Hanks himself, but someone associated with him and his movies" Said The Dean waving his sward around as he spoke.

"A director, or producer that made some Tom Hanks movies?" Asked Anne

"No." Said The Dean bluntly in a very matter of fact way.

"His agent?" Asked Shirley.

"His assistant?" Asked Troy.

"Oh, his agent's assistant?" Asked Anne again.

"His agent's assistant's dog groomer?" Asked Jeff sarcastically with a roll of his eyes.

"That's right Jeffery, Tom Hank's agent's assistants dog groomer is a graduate of Greendale. And to celebrate that we are having a Tom Hanks themed costume party, so think of your favorite Tom Hanks movie characters because no costume means no entry into the party, and then you'll be like 'Houst-Dean, we have a problem' ". The Dean said as he hoped back onto the plinth and was pulled away down the hall by the two men.

The group looked at each other, all a little confused by the experience, though this was a usual response whenever The Dean dropped by for one of his little visits. Annie was the first break the silence.

"So Shirley, maybe we could go in matching costumes?" She said to her friend. Shirley clapped her hands.

"Oh that sounds exciting, what should we go as?" she said gleefully in response.

"Well, how about Castaway? I could wear rags and scruff my hair up, and we could make you into a paper-mache Wilson." Shirley looked down and played with her fingers, she clearly didn't like that idea.

"Oh, I don't know, I'm sure I want to wear a Wilson costume, won't it make me look…fat" she said softly. Suddenly Pearce piped up having been silent this far since The Deans arrival. He spoke in a calm cool and collected voice, as though he had been thinking long and hard to find the right words to say.

"Shirley" he said with a long pause "Be the ball!" he exclaimed. At witch Abed turned to face Troy, Abeds mouth was wide open like he was screaming, but no sound came out. Troy simply shook his head dismissing it as mere coincidence.

At that moment Britta arrived looking sweaty and breathless. She came in pushing a bicycle along side her.

"Hey everyone, sorry I'm late, but as you can see I'm a bike rider now. Just doing my bit for Mother Earth, reducing my carbon footprint, and if you don't like that you can kiss my green behind." She explained smugly. Troy sniggered.

"You have a green Butt?" he asked while giggling. Jeff leaned back in his chair and looked at Britta with raised eyebrows.

"Don't you usually walk to Greendale?" He asked

"Yes, but this way I can do the journey faster" She responded, just as smug as her first statement.

"Except, somehow, it took you longer. And your new bike was made in China. So you had something you don't need shipped thousands and thousands of miles. Way to reduce your Carbon footprint." Jeff continued to argue.

"Look, in the long run this will mean I don't have to use cars or busses or anything that runs on fossil fuels, so it will balance out, ok. The only real problem is when I ride it my jeans get caught in the chain and I get all muddy and oily." She lifted her foot from the floor and the group looked down to examine her dirty and scuffed jeans leg. "I just don't know what I should do". She said to the group slightly exasperated.

"Roll 'um up" Pearce said in response, which caused Abed to look at Troy again, gesturing wildly as though his head was about explode.

At lunch period Troy and Abed stood side by side as they slowly entered the cafeteria, getting closer to Pearce, trying to get within earshot, but not alerting Pearce of their presence. Pearce was in the food line along with Lenard and Magnitude. Pearce looked happy and content with his current situation, and spoke to the pair.

"Here we are again, three good friends, the Three Amigos!" he said happily to Lenard and Magnitude, who didn't seem to be interested in what Pearce had to say. Abed tapped repeated on Troys arm as if alerting him to what Pearce had said. "Amigos!" Pearce said raising a fist to the air as he said it.

"Amigos?" Lenard said in reply, but more in the form of a question as if he hadn't quite heard what Pearce had said and needed clarification. Pearce turn to Magnitude in anticipation of his response.

"Pop-Pop" said Magnitude in his usual manor.

As Pearce took his food he moved over to the soda dispenser, which happened to be near where Abed and Troy were stood.

"Oh hey fellas" Pearce said to the pair, who both looked at him gingerly. "Won't you gentlemen have a Pespi?" He asked as he pourd himself a drink form the soda machine. Abeds eyes went wide again, slowly he turned his head to Troy cocking it to one side.

Pearce left the pair and went to sit at a table. Troy and Abed followed and sat across from him. Pearce picked up a piece of corn from his tray and began to nibble at it from left to right, making some unusual noises as he did.

"Nananananan" He seemed to say as he ate. "Sh-anananananann" he continued "Nananananan" he repeated all the while eating corn, as Troy and Abed looked on. Troy decided to call him up on what was going on.

"So that noise your making there Pearce, What's up with that?" He said not mentioning the fact it sounded exactly like Chevy Chase in Caddyshack.

"Oh that" Pearce replied, putting his corn down and pointing to his teeth. "I have these new dentures and the kind of chatter when I eat corn, I need to get them refitted or something." Troy nodded accepting the explanation, though Abed looked less than convinced.

Later that afternoon Abed and Troy were out on the Quad watching Pearce play with the dog. Who the dog belonged to was unclear, but both Pearce and the dog seemed to be having a good time playing with a stick, so no one was going to stop them.

"I swear he's on to us" Abed said to Troy with deep worry and concern in his voice. "He's taunting us, he keeps referencing his movies because he knows we are spying on him." Troy chuckled and waved his hand dismissively.

"Get outta here" He said, still not able to believe Pearce could be Chevy Chase.

"Listen he's doing it now" Abed said as the both tried over hear Pearce.

"Fetch!….Fetch!…. Come on boy …..Fletch!…..Fletch!" Pearce yelled repeatedly at the dog as he threw the stick.

"See, 'Fletch' was the name of one of his movies, he's doing it on purpose!" Abed insisted.

"Whatever man, he's just playing fetch with a dog, it's totally normal" Troy said dismissively

"Fetch!...Fetch!...Fletch!...Foul Play…..Fetch" Pearce said to the dog.

"You see! You See! 'Foul Play' was another of his movies!" Abed said gripping onto Troys arm. Troy simply raised and eyebrow and shook his head.

"Now you're just hearing things." Troy responded, and started to leave the area and Pierce continued to shot at the dog.

"Fetch!...Fletch!…..Caddyshack 2…Cops and Robbersons…..Hot Tub Time Machine." Pearce continued as he played with the dog. Troy's back was turned on Pierce and either he didn't hear what Pierced had said, or he chose to ignore it. Abed was waving back at Troy hopping he would turn back around, but he never did.

That evening the cafeteria was decorated for the party, lots of streamers and Balloons and a few TV screens shown the Oscar ceremony, a few students were watching, but most were dancing to music or getting drinks and snacks from the tables. All were dressed as various Tom Hanks movie characters, there were different stages of Forest Gump's life along with a few Apollo 13 astronauts, some 60's style suites from 'That Thing You Do" and couple of long haired "Da Vinci Code" and "Angles and Demons" Tom Hanks'.

Britta, Jeff, Annie and Shirley arrived together. Annie and Shirley did indeed come as 'Castaway' Tom Hanks and Wilson. Annie was wearing a dirty ragged tank top and shorts, along with a rather convincing beard and scruffy hair. Shirley was in a giant white volleyball with just her head, arms and legs sticking out and, of course, Wilsons face painted on the front.

"I'm going to get some punch." Shirley declared to the group, and began slowly walking away to the punch table.

"Wilson…..Wilson….I'm sorry Wilson…"Annie cried out as Shirley left, stretching out and arm trying to reach her, before letting out a little giggle at her intentional joke.

Britta was in cowboy outfit as Woody from Toy Story, and Jeff had come as 'Saving Private Ryan' Tom Hanks, in an Army uniform, and looking particularly dashing in it.

"Remind me why we always seem to have so many of these ridiculous parties?" Jeff asked Britta. Before Britta had chance to reply The Dean hopped over to them.

"Oh my Jeffery, don't you look handsome in your uniform?" He said fanning is face with his hands to cool down.

"Oh. Right. That's why." Jeff said answering his own question. The Dean had shuffled over because he was dressed as a Mermaid, legs together in a fin, a bikini top and a blonde wig.

" Welcome to out Tom Hank's agent's assistant's dog groomer celebration Oscar party. As you can see I'm a Mermaid, from Splash, you know, from the 80s" He explained as though someone had asked, even though no one did.

"I need to sit down, these cowboy boots are killing me" Britta said before walking away.

"Maybe it's because there's a snake in them?" The Dean called to her putting his had to his mouth as though to amplify the sound of his voice. He laughed and put his hand on Jeff's arm. Britta looked back scowled at The Dean. Jeff shook his head at The Dean and followed Britta to sit with her.

Moments later Troy and Abed arrived. Troy was wearing a brown sweater, smart pants and a long coat, pulling behind him a small flight case on wheels.

"Oh you must be a 'Terminal' Tom Hanks, that one where he's stuck in an airport?" The Dean asked Troy.

"Nah, I just didn't have time to change, my costumes in the case." He replied happily. Abed was wearing some very childish pajamas that were far to small for him.

"And Abed, you must be a 'Big' Tom Hanks." Said The Dean confidently.

"No" Said Abed shaking his head slightly "I didn't have time to change either, my costumes in Troy's case." Troy and Abed then went to sit with Jeff and Britta but were keeping an eye out for Pierce's arrival.

It wasn't long before Pierce did arrive wearing a short sleeve blue collared shirt, with the top button open and looking slightly scruffy.

"Captain Philips?" The Dean quizzed Pearce on his outfit. Pearce simply shook his hand.

"Poerce Hawthorn, nice to meet you, Captain." He said as though meeting him for the very first time and walked past him to talk to Lenard by the snack table. Lenard was dressed as a female Baseball player from 'A League of Their Own' complete with blonde 40s wig, fake boobs and lipstick. When Troy and Abed saw Pierce arrive the snuck up behind him and tired to listen in to his conversation.

"….So there I was driving in London, and they have these things called 'roundabouts' well once I got on I had no idea how to get off, so we just went round and round and round…" Pierce recounted to Lenard.

"European Vacation" Abed whispered to Troy. At this point Pearce spun around and startled the pair, pointing his finger at them angrily.

"You two! You have been snooping around, spying on me all day. I'm sick of Spy's like you!" He said with a very annoyed and forceful tone.

"Spy's Like Us?" Abed replied nervously, worried about how Pierce might react to the question.

"Yeah spy's like you, that's what I said" he said slightly less angry, more confused at Abed's question.

"Look, we'll stop following you around, if you just answer this one question. Are you the actor Chevy Chase?" Troy asked, plucking up the courage to ask what both he and Abed had wanted to ask all day. The pair watched for Pierce's reaction, but were most surprised. They expected him to get angry or annoyed or confused, none of these were the case. His reaction was that's of sadness, with a sigh and like he had been expecting this question for a long time.

"Oh that, so you saw those movies huh?" he said with a long pause and another deep sigh. Troy and Abed were speechless and allowed Pierce to continue without interrupting. "Chevy Chase is my younger brother. Half-brother, but brother nonetheless. You see my mother, the late Marian Anastasia Hawthorne loved the circus, so when it came to town on she went to see the clowns. Oh how she loved the clowns. She loved them so much she went to talk to one of them after the show in his trailer, and 9 months later young Chevy was born. My father was so angry and so worried that it might shame the Hawthawn family name that he demanded Chevy be put up for adoption and sent away. Years later when Chevy started appearing on TV and in movies, and with the family resemblance being so apparent, my father used his power, money and influence to ban the sale and distribution of any of his movies from within 50 miles of Greendale county, for fear our secret might be found out. I guess since the rise of the internet that's now impossible to enforce." Pierce took another long deep sigh. "It's been so long, I think people deserve to be able to see those movies, and if I'm honest it I think it's time out family started to reunite. You guys go, enjoy the party. I have some phone calls to make."

Pierce took his cellphone from his pocket and left the cafeteria. Abed and Troy were still sell shocked by the revelation and were in a stunned silence for a few seconds. Troy eventually broke the silence.

"Well, I guess that solves that mystery." He said not looking at Abed, just looking in the direction Pierce had left in. Abed looked neither happy nor sad, and said,

"Yeah, but I'm still convinced Magnitude was in Harry Potter, come on, let's go find out"


End file.
